“The moment you wonder whether or not you can do it, you can’t”
– A Circle of Quiet by Madeline L’Engle
I never would have considered myself a perfectionist. I am far from perfect and didn’t think that I went out of my way to strive for perfection.
I didn’t understand what perfectionism really is. After looking at the definition of perfectionism and seeing myself in so many of the examples, things suddenly clicked and made sense for me and how I have lived my life, especially the last 10 years. I didn’t strive for perfectionism, I avoided failure.
I have a fear of failure and of rejection, both of which usually stop me from beginning something that scares me. I stop before I can get hurt. But at the beginning of this year, I made a promise to myself to be intentional with my life and to do what I love. It wasn’t until this month that I decided to take a huge leap of faith and begin this blog. I have a tendency to procrastinate and have dozens of half-written essays that need a reason to be finished, and it is going to be this blog that gives me that reason.
It has been less than a month since I started this blog and I have already deleted one website to start another. I have kept most of the posts and deleted the rest. I am striving to make this space something that I can be proud of and I wasn’t proud of the first one I made. So, I started over. I feel awkward and unsure of myself as I maneuver through writing a blog and what I want it to be and look like and sound like. I want it to be an honest version of myself, I want to be vulnerable and share hard things within this space because I know that there are other moms out there struggling too. For so long I felt alone, and I want as many moms as possible to know that they are never alone. But I don’t want this space to be heavy all the time. I want to write fun posts and share about the things that I love (without sounding too awkward, so it may take me a while).
I created this space in order to share my writing, to get my words out into the universe. I don’t expect much in return, I don’t expect anything at all, really. In order to fulfill a promise to myself, in order to help me be the best version of me, this is something I have to do. And I want to be proud of it.
If you’re reading these words, thank you.